california chillwave
acquire currency. stay hungry.

there was a lot of dim sum - she ordered enough for four, though they only numbered two. enough for breakfast, the morning after. 

there were also a lot of feelings.

there was apprehension. the flutter of excitement. her slow smolder of lust. the glow in cradling each others’ limbs amidst a flurry of sheets and blankets.

and then there were the introspective conversations, about past loves, future uncertainties; about quirks and neuroses that they only admitted to themselves, usually. 

he found himself peeved by her musical ADD. but her dry wit made up for it, and then some.

he only wished he wouldn’t bruise her heart. 

it was the sunglasses. they were the new wayfarers, like hers, just in a larger size, because he was a boy. she grinned giddily at their symmetry, resting on the table at biergarten.

she was a girl - a girl with an open heart, and a secret smile. 

he was a lanky boy with grey eyes and an ambiguous face - a swoop of brown hair framed the high dome of his forehead, and his milky, pale skin spoke of a life spent indoors, in front of screens.

he thought it was cute that she couldn’t handle more than a half liter of beer. but she helped him finish his liter, and he was impressed. just a little.

today i received 2 pieces of mail:

one was my diploma from Haas, signifying that i had successfully earned a BS in, well, BS. or actually, BA - business administration for short.

the other was my undergraduate degree from CNR, my BS in Environmental Economics and Policy.

it’s kinda cool to think that i have spent my entire educational career in the California public school system and for that, i am proud. to have survived, and that the Golden State has built such an intellectual powerhouse.

i’m also grateful to have studied both ends of the ideological spectrum, and i can’t say i weight one or the other more. environmental economics felt like a breath of fresh air after the crushing pressure of Haas, but i think what i really needed was just an intellectual reset. 

it’s weird to think that these 2 pieces of paper should be considered my crowning achievement at Cal. because, like everyone who mostly enjoyed their university experience, i think of my undergrad as lots of little glowing points of light, each encapsulating a moment in time. 

there were the late nights freaking out over recruiting - the shadows all around.

there was the feeling of triumph and the appreciation i had for friends who’d do problem sets or prepare for consulting interviews with me. the “reading” i’d do at Caffe Strada, which really meant study dates with friends that turned into discussions about random shit.

these are only some of the bright spots.

there was the wild nights i spent at kickbacks, house parties, drinking with friends and crashing on their couches and going to hungover brunch the sunday after. not appreciating that my friends were a phone call and 2 blocks away, available for impromptu hangouts. drunk la burrita. picnics on the glade. amazing food all around campus. beautiful walks through north berkeley. bathing in a sea of smart, interesting, warm, friendly people.

these are what i’ll remember as the neon lights (nights?) of college.

it’s different now - i have 2 more pieces of paper saying that i am literate. but i still can’t actually believe that it’s really over. it feels unreal that 2 of my best friends are hundreds of miles away, rather than just a 10 minute walk away. it feels unreal that my college roommate (@wildflowerstillgrows) isn’t watching the bachelorette on her bed next to mine, or isn’t asking me to help her style tomorrow’s OOTD. 

but it’s not bad, just different, and i guess i’ll keep writing on tumblr. 

new york by (Ralph Hockens)

By Sami Heiskanen Photography

Catch by Happiness is only real when shared

untitled by Seren Coşkun on Flickr.